"Break my heart, dear Lord tear the barriers down. Show me in convicting tears the glory of your crown. My heart is hard, my soul so weak the ways of evil cut so deep I need you Lord to come inside and gently break my heart."
I clearly remember singing this hymn to God during a devotional with my friends various times throughout my past semester. I remember analyzing the words I said each time. What am I saying? Do I mean every word that is coming from my mouth? Why would I ask for my heart to be broken? That sounds awfully painful. However, the more I went over the words in my mind and sang along with the chorus, I realized this is exactly what God wants from us – He wants us to be vulnerable to Him and for Him in order for us to hear Him, trust Him, and follow His will to completion.
I began to pray these words, asking God to mold me and use me for His purpose alone. I began to ask God to break my heart; however, I was ignorant enough to be surprised when He actually did.
He and I were together for nearly three years. We had a great relationship and always made it a priority to keep God first. Before recently separating, we spent a number of days in prayer and study of the Word. My prayers started with begging God for our relationship to work, but as I continued to spend time with the Father I learned that His will is above our understanding. So my prayers of tending my desires turned into prayers for His will to be done, whatever it may be.
My heart was definitely broken. All my plans were shattered. I mourned our past, our relationship, and the loss of my closest friend and spiritual support.
Though it has taken several weeks for the pain to ease, I can feel God working in me. When I cry, I cry to God. When I feel lost, I ask God to guide me. When all I wanted was to lie in bed and pout, I ask God to give me a specific purpose to get up for that day.
I don’t regret ending our relationship. I’ll always treasure it, and I’ll probably always love who he was.
But I love God more.
I like to think of God as a craftsman. A currently trending hobby is taking something old (clothing, furniture, books, etc.) and re-purposing it. To transform these items, they need to be broken, cut, sanded, and/or painted. Sometimes along our journey God is going to cut things or people out of our lives. Sometimes our hearts will even be broken; however, we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28).
I have a much more positive outlook on our relationship than I had originally. Growing is often uncomfortable and painful, but growth is essential in the Kingdom of God. It is essential as a person, and what we grow to become and experience through God is much more than we can dare to imagine.
My sin is great, But I can see The glory set for me. Show me Father Where to start And gently break my heart. CCL 1188303